Digimon Demon Wars: The Diary
by arandomguy227
Summary: A collection of the thoughts and feelings of certain digidestined after losing one of their own.
1. Foreword

Foreword

So I don't usually do this for a story, but this is a little different than anything else I've ever written, so it needs a little different approach.

This is going to be quite different than The Return, it's a perspective story that takes place shortly after the attack of Parallelmon, and Tai Kamiya's supposed death. The digidestined are in a state of mourning, and decide to record some of their thoughts and feelings, and maybe a message or two, down in a diary which they pass among themselves.

It's supposed to be a collection of last thoughts to their friend, and a way to help them move on. Also, I'm only going to be doing eight of the digidestined, so don't expect everyone to be writing in this, only the ones with a fairly deep connection with Tai will be done.

I'm warning all readers right now, this is not a happy story. That being said, I think it's a good addition to the Demon Wars reading, and will help show you how some people got to where they are now.

I'm not going to have any author's notes in the different chapters, or disclaimers, so this is both of them for the entire story:

AN: ~000~= a break in writing. The digidestined is taking a break from writing in the Diary

Disclaimer: I do not own digimon.


	2. Joe Kido

**Digimon Demon Wars: The Diary**

_Joe Kido_

Ok, so here goes. I've been talking to one of my dad's colleagues who happens to be a psychiatrist, and she suggest that it might be helpful to write some of my thoughts down, so here goes.

I don't even know where to start, so I guess I'll go with that. I guess I feel a little guilty. I was away at college when the attack happened, completely safe across Tokyo from Odaiba. I didn't even know an attack was happening until it was already over, and I didn't know that Tai had, that Tai had, why is it so hard to write this?

Tai's gone. There I wrote it, and it doesn't help at all. Isn't admitting something supposed to make it better? That's what all the psychiatry books I've studied say. They always say things like admitting something is half of the battle in fixing it. Saying that has just the opposite effect, I feel even worse than before.

~000~

I'll never say that I was great friends with Tai, because honestly, we weren't. Yea we got along fine, but the age difference and even more importantly the personality difference really prevented us from being that close. That doesn't mean I'm not feeling his, his absence.

I never really realized exactly how connected I was to Tai. I mean, we never really hung out except when we were dealing with the digital world, or our group got together. We hardly saw each other at all after I left for college. I'd still get the occasional email from him, which was usually an attempt to get all of us digidestined together. I wish now that I'd taken some of those opportunities, but I never did. There was always some test I had to study for, or an assignment to take care of, so I never went.

The night before the battle in Odaiba, I got another email, inviting me again to meet up with Tai, and hopefully the other digidestined, and I just ignored it. It was the very last thing that Tai would ever say to me, and I just ignored it. It's easy looking back how unimportant it seemed. Now I knew it was the last communication Tai would ever make with me, and I'd blown it off.

I didn't really realize how much it would affect me, until I got back to my dorm room the first time after finding out what happened. The email was still opened when I got back, and honestly exactly what that email was hit me the second I glanced over it. The way it was written, dropping in a joke about my nose always being stuck in a book, and needing to get out more often, to references to my Crest spoke volumes about how much Tai actually gave a damn about all of us. I know he sent a similar email to every one of the other digidestined, trying to get all of us together, and each one was unique to each individual.

Taking the time to bring back old memories like that in an attempt to get everyone together for the first time in months was a really touching gesture on Tai's part, and really showed how much he cared for all of us.

It's too bad I couldn't have figured this out a few days earlier, when it actually would have made a difference. Now it didn't matter, at least for Tai.

~000~

I'd taken something for granted, and I wasn't going to do that anymore. I'm not just going to stay buried in my book forever, I'm going to do things with my friends, and I'm going to make the most of what I've got, before it's too late.

_Goodbye Tai._


	3. Mimi Tachikawa

_Mimi Tachikawa _

So, Joe told me about this diary thing he was doing, and said it had actually helped him, and he thought it might help me out. So here I am, sitting at this desk, writing in a book.

I guess I should be at least glad that I'm here in Japan right now. I managed to convince my parents that I should be allowed to come here during the winter break, so here I am, mourning here instead of halfway across the world.

To be honest it was a little weird being back here. Everyone has changed so much since the last time I saw them during the summer. Obviously no one was really themselves right now with Tai gone.

It seems so weird to put it that simply. It doesn't do him any justice. Tai deserves more than to be just a memory. He was a living, breathing, vibrant person, and now he was nothing. He was gone and the only thing left of him were cold pictures, capturing just a moment of someone who had been alive.

~000~

This is worse than when we lost our friends in the digital world. Every one of them who'd protected and helped us only to wind up being destroyed had been a blow to me, but this was worse. Even though I hadn't really talked to all the digidestined much over the last few months this was easily a thousand times worse.

I'd known Tai since that fateful summer camp where we all went to the digital world, and, thanks to my friendship with Sora, had gotten to know him pretty well before I moved to America. He always included me in the emails he would send out to the rest of the digidestined, which was rather thoughtful of him.

I hadn't really thought of him as thoughtful in the digital world, but he grew up sometime after I left, and I'm rather sad I had to miss that, especially now. It made me miss everyone else so much, and now I didn't even have the chance to really catch up with anyone.

~000~

I've been crying the last couple of days over this, because it was so hard to even think about the fact that Tai was now gone. None of us had really been able to do anything but mourn, and it would probably be worse in a couple of days when they had the funeral.

I know it was a little selfish to think about this, but I almost felt that it was unfair that this had to happen when I was making my one trip back to Japan. I should been able to catch back up with everyone this trip, but instead we were all mourning.

Stupid digimon should just leave us alone.

~000~

I think I don't want to be in America anymore. This is really showing me what I've been missing. I missed Tai maturing into a much more likeable person, someone who really cared about all of that, and I don't want to miss anything else important.

_I'll miss you forever Tai._


	4. Izzy Izumi

_Izzy Izumi_

So I've calculated the chances of Tai having survived if I'd been at the battle, and the exact same thing would have happened, even had I been there. Yet why do I feel guilty even though I know that?

Tai was my friend, probably one of the best ones I've ever, or will ever have, and now he's gone. He won't stop at my house for help on some of his homework, or to try and get me to actually do his homework for him. He won't come over and crash my computer ever again.

I can put that down here on this paper, but I can't really wrap my mind around. Tai was gone. It just didn't seem possible that he was gone. I kept expecting some sort of call from him, wanting me to fix a computer problem, or help him with homework, or go to the digital world. I just couldn't comprehend that he was gone. All of those things would never happen again.

~000~

I'd always thought that I had plenty of time to do anything that I wanted. Just like everyone else I never thought that tragedy could strike us. I mean, look at all we had been through. If one of the many enemies hadn't been able to defeat us by now, then what chance did anything else that we ran into have? We could handle anything that the digital world sent at us, here or there.

Tai probably had that attitude the worst. He'd done so much for the digital world, and the real world, that he probably felt nothing could stop him. Anytime he'd gotten into trouble someone or something had bailed him out, usually his own stubborn headedness. He could push through anything and come out on the other side ok.

That attitude had certainly rubbed off on me. I've got all the time in the world to do what I want, I don't need to have any urgency in my actions, because I'll get everything done. That's the attitude I've always taken to life, at least for big things. I just wanted to take my time and enjoy my time with my friends, and there would be time for the career I wanted to pursue later.

Now though, I'm not so sure. It can all end so suddenly, and then you lose every opportunity to do something that matters in the world. Tai had that opportunity in life, in our adventures in the digital world. He made a difference there, and while I'm sure he would want to do even more, and not be gone, he at least has done something. I still haven't, and I don't think I can really take my time anymore.

~000~

I'm going to miss Tai more than I can possibly imagine, but I need to look at what can come out of this. I know you'll never read this Tai, but I want to make a promise to you, sort of like what both Mimi and Joe have done. I'm not going to waste any more time. I'm going to do something big, and important, and make a difference in the world, just like you would, if you weren't gone.

_I'll make a difference, for you Tai._


	5. TK Takaishi

_T.K. Takaishi_

I can't believe that Tai is gone. One day I'm talking with him like every other day of the week, and the next I'll never talk to him again. I've never really known anyone who's died before. I've been incredibly lucky to never really lose anyone close to me, until now.

~000~

It's weird the things you leave unsaid. They're important to you, but seem so minor or just something that happens every day that the importance of it seems to fade. That's what I'm feeling right now.

I never stopped and thanked Tai for everything he did, starting back to our first trip to the digital world. Sure I had my brother with me, but it had taken a little while for Matt to really figure out how to be an older brother, while Tai was always willing to help me. He believed that I could handle things on my own when Matt would have wanted to do it for me, and gave me the first opportunity to be on my own.

He trusted me with the safety of his sister, showing faith in me when very few other people would, and I'll never forget that, or my promise to look after Kari.

~000~

There were also these talks that we've been having for the last year or so, the ones I could never have with my brother, because he would never understand like you did Tai. We were in the same situation, with the people we loved, being forced to watch from afar, never really able to tell them how we felt, or sweep them up like we both desperately wanted to.

It was always odd that we could have that conversation, since I was talking about your little sister, and you were talking about my brother's girlfriend, but it just seemed to work for the both of us. Something about those talks always made me feel better afterwards, and I never got the chance to thank you for them, just like everything else.

It's not the thing I'll miss the most, but it seems to be holding a rather dominant place in my attention. I can't get the regret of never telling him how important those talks were to me, but I am, and I'm going to do it in a way that would make Tai smile, even if he was going to do his best to strangle me afterwards.

~000~

I'm finally going to listen to you Tai. I'm going to stop waiting for the perfect opportunity, and make my own opportunity, before it's too late, just like you've been telling me.

I hate that it's taking your death to make me finally get over my nervousness, and admit my feelings, but I'm going to just what you urged me to do for years. I'm going to tell her, and face the consequences, whether they're good or bad.

_Thank You Tai_


	6. Davis Motomiya

_Davis Motomiya _

I will not cry. There is no way in hell I'm going to cry again, I…oh damnit, I'm crying again. Why did this have to go and happen? Right when things were pretty much good for everyone, this happens. Why did it have to be Tai? He never did anything to anyone. He was always looking out for the rest of us digidestined, all the time, and he was always there for all of us, especially me.

Most of the digidestined don't know it, but life at home isn't the best for me. My parents are great, and I love both of them, but they're always gone at work, so I never see them. Me and Jun never really got along that much, but at least when she was around I had someone to talk to, and argue with, but now she was away at college, so it was just me at home.

I mean, I had DemiVeemon most of the time, but the two of us got bored really quickly, and he hadn't always been there. That's how I'd picked up soccer. I was, kinda sorta running away from my apartment when I ran into a group of guys playing soccer. One of them brought me over, and got me to join in on the game. I followed him around the rest of the day. That's how I met Tai. He brought me back to my apartment, saying he couldn't let a little guy like me run around by myself.

After that I played soccer with Tai nearly every day. It got me out of the apartment, and Tai was a great role model. I remember the first time he gave me a pair of goggles. I was so happy that I could have something in common with him that I didn't stop running around and shouting in happiness for nearly an hour.

~000~

Tai became like the older brother I never had, and it only intensified after Jun left for college. I spent more time with the Kamiya family, and they became like a second family to me, one that was always there when I needed them.

Now I've let them down. I let Tai down. I wasn't there for them when I should have been. Izzy tells me there wasn't anything that I could have done personally, that the digimon was powerful enough that if I had been there everything would have ended up the same way.

I can't argue with Izzy, because he is way smarter than me, but that doesn't change the fact that I should have been there. Even if I couldn't have mad e a difference, I should have been there. I'll never forget the looks on both Sora and Kari's faces when I finally did get there. I'm sure my own face mirrored theirs somewhat, but I hadn't seen what they'd seen.

That's why I'm making this promise to you Tai. You won't be around to be there for any of us anymore, so I'm going to do my best to be there instead. I'll never replace you, but I'll do my best to help everyone, all the time, just like you would have.

_I'll Make You Proud Tai_


	7. Sora Takenouchi

_Sora Takenouchi_

Oh Tai, all of this is my fault. I shouldn't have run out there like that. If I'd just waited instead of running out there, you'd still be here, and this giant hole where my heart should be wouldn't be here.

I know I have no right to say this, even on a paper that you'll never see, but I really do love you Tai Kamiya. I can't believe it took me this long to realize this, but I know it to be true, especially now. I was coming back to tell you, when the attack happened.

I know your last thoughts of me were probably that I was a horrible person, someone who was using you to get back at her boyfriend, but that's not true. I should have stopped you before you left my apartment, and told you then, but something made me stop. I think it was fear.

Even after you told me exactly how you felt I was still terrified to admit my feelings to you, to admit that I had been living a lie, and making you, me, and Matt miserable for nearly two years. I was afraid Tai, and now that fear has prevented me from ever telling you the truth.

~000~

I told Matt the truth earlier today. I felt horrible doing it, since he looked to be in an even worse state than I was in, but I had to do it. I couldn't live in a lie anymore, and I couldn't force Matt to stay in that lie as well.

If only I had the courage to act before it was too late, or take the opportunity you gave me that Christmas. I don't know if things would be better, or different, but at least I wouldn't have been left wondering what if.

~000~

I will never forget all of the good times that we had together Tai, I'll always treasure them, and the bad times as well. I'll remember everything that was us, because if I don't, no one will, and something special will truly be lost to this.

I'll remember all of our times playing soccer together, and how you always let me win. I'll remember going for ice cream after our games, and you always stuffing you face with everything in sight when you thought your mom wasn't looking. I'll remember that hairclip you gave me, and the fight that we had because of it. I'll remember the first time you signed something you sent me with the word love, and how you didn't ever call to talk about. I'll remember everything growing up together with you, under the sun or in the rain, the good times and the bad times.

That's my promise to you Tai. I'll never forget you, or us, and I'll love you until the day I die.

_I'll never forget you Tai_


	8. Matt Ishida

_Matt Ishida_

I'm so sorry Tai. This is my fault, and I know it. I should have been there at the battle, not halfway across the world in America. I left you all alone to face this battle, and it cost you your life. Of course, this isn't the first time I've done this.

I feel like I was a horrible friend, and I always seem to have made a habit of making your life difficult, even if it wasn't always intentional, or with a malicious thought that I did that, but it always happened. I won't argue about who was right in the digital world the first time, since things worked out and I think we were both right, but after that things are a lot fuzzier.

I know I left you hanging with the new digidestined at times, always getting busy with my band right when it seemed you needed my help, but you always shrugged it off. Why would you do that? Of course, I can almost see you grinning at me, and hitting my shoulder at that question. You'd just tell me it was what friends were for, yet I never seemed to do something to deserve it.

~000~

Then there was the thing that was probably the least deserving of my Crest I ever did, at least after the fact. I know you'll never answer this question, but why did you never say anything when me and Sora started dating? I knew you liked her, hell all of us did, but you didn't say anything. You teased the two of us the first time you saw us together, but you didn't say anything else. You helped us stay together, and I still don't know why.

I know I probably shouldn't have gone out with Sora. For me she was a fun person who I could have a good time with, but I knew she meant more to you, even if you didn't admit it.

Now I find out that the last year and a half of my life, well, a rather large portion of it, wasn't what I thought it was. Sora called what we had a lie, and I can't really blame her.

She had feelings for you the whole time, you big haired idiot, but your sheer apathy towards her dating me convinced her that you didn't feel anything for her. If you'd showed the slightest interest, then it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have asked her out, she wouldn't have dated me, and you would have been that much happier.

~000~

I'll never know why you did it or what you were thinking, but I still feel a little bad about it. I should have listened to my conscience and not dated her, if for no other reason than my best friend really liked her.

I'll never be able to make it up to you Tai, but I'll probably never stop feeling bad about it. For now, I just need to get away from everyone. They may say they don't think it, but I know, deep down each of them blames me for this, or something else, and I can't take the guilt. You may think me a coward, but I can't stay, I have to go.

_I'm Sorry Tai_


	9. Kari Kamiya

_Kari Kamiya_

Big brother…I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough to help you, and then I just got in the way. I know you wouldn't ever say that, if you were still, if you were still, still here, but it's true.

I just got in the way, again, and this time you had to pay a price for it. If only I'd been stronger, or maybe just less foolish you'd still be here with us. I know you would never allow me to say any of that, but I have to, at least here.

Without you I don't know how I'm going to make it through the days. You were always my source of strength, even when I started to rely on others, I could always look to you to be there for me. I'll never be able to tell you exactly how much that meant to me, and how much I'm going to miss it, and you big brother.

I don't know if I'll be able to go on without you Tai. You've been my guardian for as long as I can remember, even before Gatomon came into my life. You were always there for me, and I don't know if I can go on alone, even with the others.

~000~

But, I'm going to have to. I want to make you proud of me, even if you aren't going to be able to see it, or tell me how proud you are, I want to finally be strong enough to help someone like you would. Everyone else is going to need you to help them through this, but I'm going to have to be enough. I'll do exactly what I know you want me to do, carry on for you.

I know you would want all of us to keep going on, and to be happy without you, but it's going to be hard Tai. You don't know how much you meant to each and every one of us, because we all took you for granted. Every one of us didn't realize how special you were, even me.

I can't remember the last time I just spent time with you, just the two of us. I know you never complained, but I neglected you, I went out with my friends rather than spending an afternoon with you, even when I knew you were stuck at home by yourself for whatever reason. I know you would have told me to go out with my friends, but I still should have stayed, just to be with you.

~000~

I'm not the only one with regrets, and I think I should take a lesson away from Sora. I know you would never want her, or anyone else for that matter, to be sad, but I'm almost glad. It's an eye opening experience to see her like that. She finally realized that she was in love with you, and now you're, you're gone, and she can't do anything about it. It has to be the worst feeling in the world, to realize you love someone only for it to be too late.

As much as it hurts me to see Sora like that, how badly she's hurt, I've learned that I never want to feel that. I'm not going to lie to myself and keep myself from telling T.K. how I feel about him, just because I'm afraid of what he'll say, because now I'm even more afraid of what it would be like if I never got to tell him. I know that you would probably want to strangle T.K., but I also know how happy you would be for me, so I'll remember that.

_I love you, big brother_


End file.
